


Reflections on the Abyss

by DevinCx, piratenami



Series: Knights of the Old Republic: Outcasts [6]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: Knights of the Old Republic
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Implied/Referenced Torture, Non-Explicit Sex, Original Character-centric, Space Opera
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-08
Updated: 2018-08-08
Packaged: 2019-06-22 01:08:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15570402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DevinCx/pseuds/DevinCx, https://archiveofourown.org/users/piratenami/pseuds/piratenami
Summary: The Wanderer's crew each find themselves at Aeron's bedside in the aftermath of Castell. But there is more going on inside the Jedi's mind than any of them realize.





	Reflections on the Abyss

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place immediately after Book 3 of this series, and contains spoilers for all previous stories.

When he arrived in the Phoenix's medbay in the early evening, Renn found Meena dozing off, sitting in a chair at Aeron's bedside. He approached her and shook her shoulder gently.

She started awake. "Rennie!" she said, raising a hand to her chest. "You scared me!"

"Sorry." Renn waited a moment while she caught her breath. "Hey, why don't you go get some food, and maybe some sleep?" he said. "I'll sit with him for a while."

"Are you sure?" she asked. 

He nodded. "Yeah, it's fine. You need a break."

"Thanks, Rennie." Meena smiled and gave him a quick hug. "I'll come back later, okay?" she said to Aeron's still form before she left.

After she'd gone, Renn stood there for a moment, looking over at the Jedi, frowning. If Aeron's eyes had been closed, he might have been sleeping. But as it was, he was staring at nothing, unmoving. It was kind of creepy, to be honest.

Renn paced for a little bit, as much as he could in the small room, anyway. Medbays made him nervous. He came back to the chair Meena had vacated, and sat quietly. He felt kind of ridiculous talking to Aeron when he had no idea if the other man could even hear him, but....

"Liana told me your dumb idea about moving into the cargo bay," Renn said at last. He rolled his eyes. "Of course, I had a better one. When we were fixing up the hull, I took some spare sheet metal and built you an actual room in one corner. It's not much, just big enough for a bunk and a storage locker, but at least it's got a door and walls, and you won't have to go in through the cargo bay all the time."

He laughed, although it sounded off to his own ear. "I'm tempted to tell Liana to take the lost cargo room out of your pay...." He trailed off, awkwardly, at his own bad joke.

Renn looked down at his hands, not saying anything else for another long moment. Finally, he spoke again, voicing the concerns he'd been keeping to himself since they'd left Castell. "I'm really worried about Kara," he said in a quiet voice. 

He sighed and found himself telling the Jedi about what had happened between them just this morning....

***

_That morning...._

Renn pulled on his shirt, then stopped to watch Kara getting dressed nearby. She didn't notice. She seemed like she was going through the motions, not really here. She still slept here with him, but lately she was so... distant. They hadn't really talked, not about anything important, since she'd wept in his arms a few nights ago, and he didn't think he'd heard her laugh once since before Castell's destruction.

He didn't know what she needed. He didn't know how to help her.

He hated that feeling.

He watched her as she pulled on her tunic and belt, moving almost out of habit. Then, acting on an impulse, Renn closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around her.

"Oh! Good morning," Kara said with only a ghost of her usual enthusiasm.

"Kara, are you sure you're all right?" he asked. "You've been like a sleepwalker lately."

"Yeah, it's just... I guess I'm just worried."

He cocked his head at her, but didn't say anything. Kara was not a good liar.

She sighed explosively and stepped out of his embrace. "Look, I don't _know_ what's wrong. Everyone is looking to me like I have the answers, but all I have are questions, and worries, and fears and..." She took a step sideways and slammed her toe into the bunk. _"Ow! Shresh hakka vi!"_

Renn was aghast. "Do you even know what that means?!"

"No!" she snapped, hopping up and down on her other foot. "But I heard Liana say it when she's angry!"

He couldn't help it. Renn began to laugh. Not a little laugh either. He bent over in booming guffaws. He knew it was probably the worst thing he could do, but she was so damn cute swearing eternal vengeance and enmity upon the mother of their bed.

Kara shot him a look of anger and promised retribution for all of two seconds before she started laughing, too. It was a full, rich laugh. And it did them both a world of good to hear it.

At length, she angled her hop around and plopped down hard on the bed. Her laughter died away as she looked at their bunk and then the other two in the room. "Hey... is this _bigger_ than the other two?"

Renn grinned and came over to sit beside her. "Yep. I made a few improvements around here while I was doing repairs, since I had nothing better to do. It was a little cramped with the two of us sleeping in here together."

"But-" She looked around. "Renn, what did you do with Aeron's footlocker?" she said, shocked. "He's in the medbay, and you boxed up his things like he was dead?!"

"No! Of course not! I moved his stuff into his new room."

Her anger evaporated and, judging by her eyebrows, curiosity replaced it. "His... new... room?"

"You didn't notice the new door off the main hallway?" he asked. "Liana gave me permission to take a little space out of the corner of cargo hold while we were fixing the hull. Apparently, he asked her if he could sleep in there, before... everything else happened. I guess he was just going to set up camp or something, so T5 and I built him a little room instead."

She blinked at him. "There's a new door off the hallway?"

Renn chuckled. "Try to keep up, farm girl," he said, putting an arm around her. "I'll show you later, if you want to see it." 

Then he grew serious again. "Kara, I was thinking... maybe... do you want to move in here with me, for real?" he asked. "I mean, you've been practically living here anyway. You don't have to if you don't want to, but I thought... you know, it might be easier to have your stuff in here." He had to stop overthinking this. He was asking her to move in, not get married.

"I-" Kara smiled. "Uh, sure. If you want me to, I mean. If you're sure you wouldn't want to keep some distance. Not between _us!_ But if you'd like a private space, I mean...." She wound down, and took a deep breath. "I'm completely overthinking this, aren't I?"

"I think we both are," Renn said. "But... I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want you to." He leaned in to kiss her.

She mischievously shifted out of his way at the last moment and kissed the tip of his nose. "Thanks, Renn. I needed the laugh, and the reminder."

"Reminder of what?" he asked, trying hard to hide his disappointment.

"That it's not all grim, hopeless battles and dark roads ahead of us." She leaned in and kissed him for real.

***

As she approached, Liana was surprised to hear Renn's voice coming from the room in the medbay where they were tending to the Jedi. She hung back to the side of the door, her ears twitching at the sound. She had expected Meena to be here, not her partner.

"Kara's got enough going on without worrying about you, too, you know," she heard him say quietly. "So you'd better wake up soon, you kriffing idiot." It was almost affectionate, in a Renn sort of way. Liana knew she shouldn't be eavesdropping, but she couldn't help it. She smiled to herself. She was glad he'd finally accepted Aeron as family, even if it had taken him a while.

When Renn fell silent again, she waited a minute or two, to make sure he was done getting whatever he needed to off his chest. Then she opened the door, making some noise on purpose so he'd be aware of her presence. He looked up at her. "Oh, hey, Captain."

"How is he?" she asked.

"He's... the same," Renn said. "I was just giving Meena a break, you know? She's been in here all the time lately. She needed to go get some food and sleep."

"I know, Renn," Liana said in a gentle voice. She knew what he wasn't saying as well as what he was. He looked at her with suspicion, but she just smiled. "Speaking of food, have _you_ eaten?"

He just shook his head, looking down at his hands again.

She came over and crouched near the chair he was sitting in, resting her forehead against his in a gesture of comfort. "It will be okay," she said. "Why don't you go find Kara and get something to eat for both of you? I doubt she's eaten either. I will stay with Aeron for a while."

Renn closed his eyes, leaning against her for a moment. "Right. That's probably a good idea." Liana stood, and her partner did also.

After he left and the door closed again, Liana stepped over to the bed to look down at her lost cub. She laid one hand gently on Aeron's cheek, over the scars she'd left there last year. "It seems we have fallen into a trap, my friend," she said, her voice soft, "and I am not sure there are any moves left to get us out of it."

She let her hand fall away with a heavy sigh. She was responsible for this, for everything that happened to her crew. For the damage that had been done to Aeron, and for the pain that both Kara and Renn were feeling as well, in the aftermath of Castell. That was her burden as their Captain.

"I think I have an idea," she said finally, pacing back toward the chair. "I may know a place where we can seek refuge. But... I cannot tell if it will lead us into further disaster. I cannot tell if it is wise or foolish."

Liana dropped into the seat. "If it were just us, I do not think I would hesitate so. But I am not sure yet what to make of this Mandalorian clan we have gotten mixed up with. Somehow their matriarch has a claim of kinship with Kara, who I have claimed as my own kin as well." She shook her head. "That... complicates things immensely."

She extracted the small prayer stone from her belt pouch, the one she had taken from her homeworld before she left, which had been blessed for her by one of the priests of her Goddess. This she turned over and over in her hands, as though she could use it to will her broken family whole.

She sighed again. "How I wish I could ask your advice right now, child," Liana said, closing her eyes.

***

Meena came back to the medbay the next morning to find the Wanderer's Captain sitting there with Aeron.

"Oh!" the Twi'lek said. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt."

Liana looked up at her, and gave her that toothy smile of hers. Meena was pretty sure Liana didn't realize how scary her grin could look to someone who didn't know her, but she'd kind of gotten used to it over the last few months.

"No, it's fine," Liana said. "I have been here all night, and I must have fallen asleep for awhile." She stood and stretched stiff muscles. "I did not want to leave him alone."

Meena smiled sadly. "Yeah," she said, looking down at her hands clasped in front of her. "That's why I've been staying here, too. I mean... I know I can't do a lot to help everyone else right now, but I can at least do this. It's nothing, really."

"It is not nothing," Liana said, her voice firm. "It is caring, which is what he needs, I think." She walked over and laid a hand on Meena's shoulder, then she bowed her head. "I am grateful to you. And I am sure Aeron is as well."

"Please, Captain," Meena said, looking away, embarrassed. Now she felt kind of guilty about not being here last night, especially considering what she _had_ been off doing.

Liana patted her shoulder fondly. "I will leave him to your care for now."

Meena nodded and watched her go. Then she came over to the chair and sat down in it. "Good morning!" she said. She tried to talk normally to Aeron while she was here, even though she had no idea if it was helping, or if he could even hear or understand her. She was sure the Phoenix's medtechs thought she was insane, but that didn't matter. They mostly left her alone in here, unless they had to tend to Aeron's needs.

"I'm sorry I wasn't around last night. Rennie was right, though. I needed to get something to eat and some rest. Except...." Her voice trailed off. Was this really the kind of thing one should confess to a Jedi? She wasn't sure. But Aeron was her friend. She was sure he'd listen to her problems, at least.

"Well, I went back to my room after getting dinner last night. I really was just going to go to sleep. But then...." Meena felt her cheeks growing warm. "I mean... I was trying so hard to be good...." Haltingly, her voice quiet, she started to tell him what had happened last night.

***

_The previous night...._

Meena went back to her room on the Phoenix after having dinner. She knew Renn was right, and she needed to sleep. She was restless, though. She lay awake in the dark, staring at the ceiling she couldn't even see.

She almost wished she had gone to Cait's room again instead of coming back here to be alone.

But no... she couldn't keep doing that every night. She already felt bad for burdening Cait with her tears the other night, when the woman clearly had plenty of problems of her own, and those way more serious than Meena's.

Besides, hadn't Cait said she didn't want a relationship? She just wanted... whatever this was between them. A fling? A few nights of really fantastic sex?

Meena sighed and adjusted her pillows, trying to get more comfortable.

Her door chime sounded.

She fumbled for the control. "Yes?" she asked, not daring to hope.

Over the speaker came something so faint Meena wasn't even sure the external mic had picked it up.

She blinked. What-? Meena turned the lights on, then got up and went over to open the door.

The door slid open and Cait, dressed in a paint-stained jumpsuit, literally tumbled into the room, barely missing taking Meena with her. The warrior woman wound up flat on her back, staring up at Meena.

"Hi," she said with a cringe. "Can I hide here?"

Meena stared back at her in surprise. "Um... sure? Are you okay?" She reached down to offer Cait a hand up.

Cait took it and rose smoothly to her feet. "Yeah, but first, there's a big bag in the hall. Drag it in here?" She went over to the room's comm panel and typed in a hurried set of commands. "Ah, blessed privacy. Now no one but Gat, Sallis, or your friends can comm us or use the computer to find out where I am."

"I assume this will all make sense at some point?" Meena peeked out through the open door to make sure there was no one around to see her in her underwear in the hallway, then grabbed the bag Cait had mentioned with both hands and pulled it inside. She closed the door behind her.

"What is _in_ here?" Meena asked, surprised. The bag wasn't as heavy as she was expecting of something so bulky and awkward.

"My armor, so be careful."

"Oh! Um... so, _why_ is your armor in a bag on my bedroom floor?"

Cait came back over and opened the bag, lifting out what Meena thought might be a shin guard. "'Cause I've been trying to paint it, but it's not coming out like I wanted. I need my muse." She reached in again and took out a small, multi-chamber paint sprayer, and eyed Meena. "She's even dressed for modelling! Which is amazingly helpful, in more ways than one."

"Um... okay, I'm really confused." Then, Meena stared at the piece of armor in Cait's hand. Her eyes widened in shock. "Wait... are you painting your armor... _my_ colors?"

"I was trying to," Cait said. "But I couldn't get it just right, and then I thought...." She trailed off and lowered the piece she was holding. "I thought... I was afraid I might be presuming it would be all right with you. So I put the project off for a while. Now I kind of have to finish it, but everyone keeps coming to me to with status reports, and questions, and problems and, and, and...."

She sank down to a kneeling heap next to the bag.

"I guess I'm using the armor as an excuse. Can I just... hide here? For a little while?"

Meena knelt next to her. "Of course you can. I-" She hesitated. "I was hoping it was you when I heard the door."

"How is the Jedi?" Cait asked, not quite hiding a small smile at Meena's permission.

Meena sighed. "The same, unfortunately. No one knows what's wrong with him, still. Rennie was sitting with him when I left." She smiled a little. "I'm glad. I was afraid he was going to get stubborn about coming to see Aeron."

"The Jedi _looks_ like shell shock. But if it was that, he'd be coming out of it by now. And as for Falani... you're right. He strikes me as being so stubborn he might have some Dug in his genetics." Cait gave her an encouraging wink.

Meena giggled. "Hey, be nice to my best friend, okay?" she said.

"I was! I said 'some'," Cait said in mock-hurt. She hit a button on her sprayer and sent a small stream of paint onto the shin guard. "All right, muse, let me color-check this." She held the piece up near Meena's lekku.

Meena turned around obligingly so Cait could see better. She couldn't quite manage to hold still, though. Embarrassed by the scrutiny, she twitched her lekku involuntarily.

"It moved!" Cait said in amazement. "They can move?"

Meena laughed. "Yes, haven't you ever met a Twi'lek before?"

"No, not to speak to for any length of time anyway." Cait made an adjustment on the sprayer and tried again. "Closer... I want to match the color of the darker splashes. Gotta admit, they fascinate me."

"Why?" Meena asked. She was glad her face was still turned away from Cait right now. It hid her blush.

"I don't know if I can explain it... They look so vibrant, almost like the color moves about on its own." Then she leaned in and whispered in a naughty tone, "Plus, you like it when I do this." She ran a light fingertip up Meena's left lekku.

Meena let out a soft gasp and closed her eyes. "Just don't ever do that in public, unless you want me in a puddle on the floor," she said.

"Ooh… noted for future reference," Cait said, before she did the same to the right lekku. "Of course, it's only fair. The _sight_ of you melts me."

"I thought you wanted to work on your armor," Meena said, her heart pounding already.

"I want a lot of things," Cait said. "How about you?"

Meena looked back over her shoulder. Cait had put down her paint sprayer and shin guard, and was watching her intently.

"I know what I want right now," Meena said. Cait's arms slid around her waist, and she closed her eyes and leaned back into her lover's embrace.

***

That was far enough. Meena really didn't want to give the full account of what happened last night, not out loud. She flushed. "Sorry, I'm pretty sure you don't want to hear that. And, frankly, I'd rather not tell the medtechs all about it either."

She looked down at her hands. "The truth is, I... I don't know what she's looking for. I don't know what I'm looking for, either. All I know is... I think she needs me, and it's a nice feeling. I think I can really help her, you know?" 

She quietly told him about the latest development with Cait.

***

_That morning...._

Meena woke to find Cait still lying in the bed beside her, already awake and watching her with a very pleased expression on her face. 

"This is becoming a regular occurrence." Meena giggled.

"You say that like it's a bad thing," Cait said and stretched luxuriously, which Meena wholeheartedly approved of.

"I just mean... I know you have so much to deal with right now. I don't want to be too much of a distraction from what you need to do."

"Lady, right now, you're the only thing keeping me kriffing _sane."_

"Oh," Meena said. "If I can help with anything, I will. Or I can just listen. I'm good at that. And talking. I probably talk too much." She paused. "Like right now."

"I could listen to you by the hour," Cait said. "With you, I can be just plain Cait. Not Commander. Not Caitlyn of Clan Rook. Not the leader of the last Free Mandalorian warship.... If I get through this alive, it will all be because of _you."_

Meena wasn't quite sure what to say to that. "That's... wow. Well, I'll do my best." She thought she sounded silly, but Cait just smiled at her. 

Meena snuggled closer. "I wanted to ask you something, and you can totally say no, but... do you think you could teach me to fight sometime? Like, really fight, not just self-defense?"

Cait laughed. "The woman who single-handedly took down a Jedi with one kick wants _me_ to teach her how to fight?" Then after a moment, she nodded. "Yes, I think I'd like that. Sure, I'll teach you what I can."

Meena grinned. "Thank you! Although... I am really terrible with a blaster, I should warn you."

"That's all right," Cait said with a wicked grin. "We'll start with hand-to-hand."

"I think you just want an excuse to put your hands all over me," Meena said.

Cait blinked in confusion. "I need an excuse now?"

"No," Meena said, meeting her eyes, "you don't."

***

Kara paced slowly down the hallway.

Everyone, it seemed, was spending time with Aeron, but it made Kara uncomfortable. It wasn't just seeing her friend laid low by whatever had been done to him; it was the dissonant, harshly chaotic scream he made in the Music.

The closer she got to the Phoenix's medbay, the louder it became. She already wanted to turn around and seek a headache remedy. But that wasn't going to happen. Aeron was her friend, and so was Meena. The poor girl was driving herself to exhaustion trying to prove to herself that she was useful.

Kara paused for a moment outside Aeron's private room. Buried under the screaming chaos of Aeron was a faint whisper of... what was that? Meena was... embarrassed? Unsure? Hesitant?

Worried, she opened the door and stepped in.

Meena jumped and let out a frightened squeak. "Kara!"

"Oh, sorry, Meena. I felt something... I thought, maybe there was a change."

"No," Meena said, turning back to Aeron. "No change, I'm afraid."

Kara sat down on the other side of Aeron's hospital bed. "How are _you_ doing?"

"I'm fine."

"No, you're not," Kara said with a smile. "You jumped so high when I came in I'm surprised you didn't hit the ceiling."

Meena's cheeks flushed pink-purple. "Sorry, I wasn't expecting anyone to come in. I... I was just talking to Aeron about... stuff...." Her voice trailed off awkwardly.

What the hell had she walked in on? "Um, if you'd like me to leave for a bit... I could go get you something to drink or..."

"N- no. It's all right," Meena said.

Kara smiled encouragingly. "If there's something you need to get off your chest, I'm a pretty good listener."

Meena sat back down and sighed. "Well, I was just telling him about me and Cait...."

Kara had been meaning to ask about that. Renn had implied that his best friend and the Mandalorian leader had really hit it off, but why would them being good friends embarrass Meena like this? "What about you and Cait? I think you're really good for each other."

"But, we only just met, and, well, it just kind of... keeps happening." Meena looked down.

"Well, it didn't take long for me and Liana to...." Wait. "Hang on, _what_ keeps happening?"

Meena kept her eyes fixed on the floor. "Cait and I have been sleeping together," she said, her voice very quiet. "Almost every night since we came aboard the Phoenix."

Kara's jaw dropped open. "Wha- _what?_ But you two... you two... only.... Wow."

"Cait asked me to have a drink with her that first night," Meena said, "after you and Rennie decided to stay on the Wanderer. I thought I would just chat with her, maybe see if I could find out anything helpful, you know? But then... she kissed me, we went back to her bedroom, and... and now I just can't stay away from her."

Kara considered. "Well, the sheltered farm girl in me has about a million questions, most of which I think neither of us could deal with right now, so I'll just say this: I stick by what I said. I think you're good for each other. And besides, Cait needs somebody right now." She leaned in, almost conspiratorially. "Cait tries to hide it, but she's at a major crossroads. She wants to be strong for her Clan, but inside she's terrified she's leading everyone down the wrong path."

"I know," Meena said. "She's told me a little about it, and I can see some of it, too." Then she giggled. "She's actually really sweet."

Kara smiled at hearing the fearsome warrior woman described as 'sweet'. "She probably needs someone she can confide in, someone who can be her friend, and most of all someone who can be there when they're needed, which perfectly describes you, Meena."

"Okay, now you're teasing me again," Meena said. Her hands idly pulled at one sleeve of the shirt she was wearing. It didn't look like it fit her quite right.

"No, I'm not." Kara waved a dismissive hand. "I know you've been worried about finding your place and pulling your weight with the crew and what not. I just want to tell you that you don't have to convince any of us about it. You're one of us. Period."

Meena said nothing at first, still looking down. Then she stood, walked over, and threw her arms around Kara, tears welling in her blue eyes. "Thank you!"

Kara was a bit startled by the hug, but not surprised. That's just who Meena was. What did surprise her was how good the hug felt. It was nice to have the support of a simple, uncomplicated friendship. "You're very welcome, Meena," she said, hugging right back.

After a moment, Meena released her and wiped at her eyes. "Did you want to talk to Aeron for a little bit? I can leave you alone, if you want."

"You don't have to go if you don't want," Kara said. "But, if you want to take a break for a while, I can take over."

"Actually, that sounds pretty good. I've been in here all day. I could use a stretch break and maybe some fresh caf."

"All right," Kara said, settling back into her chair. "See you later."

Meena smiled at her and at Aeron, then left the room.

Kara looked over at Aeron. The man was as still as when they'd laid him in the medical bed days ago. The monitors all held steady, and she knew he was in no physical discomfort.

But that didn't mean he wasn't in pain.

"I wish I could bring you out of this," she said. "I'd trade places with you if I could. We need you, Aeron. It's all falling down around us."

Could she tell him? Despite the fact that he disagreed with them, Aeron still spoke so highly of his Masters, of the Jedi....

"Truth," he used to say, "is a light, and light holds no fear."

Kara leaned forward and took Aeron's hand in hers.

"I have to tell you something. Something terrible. I'm sure that you've heard some of it already but...."

Kara took a deep breath. "The Jedi were behind it. Ashee Quinn was commanding the Mandalorian fleet. She was Baroness Ordo. According to Cait, she always has been.

"I don't know how long they planned this, but it has to be years in the making. They set the Mandalorians up as patsies, and now the whole galaxy is howling for their blood. Worse, the very Jedi who set this all up are now in key positions in the Republic government... and their influence is only growing."

Kara stood abruptly. "But the worst...." She turned and stepped away. She couldn't face him and say what she needed to. She didn't want to admit it to herself, much less her friends. How she'd managed to tell Renn was a mystery.

"The worst," she said again, and with a shaky breath took the plunge. "As the Castelli were dying, as the Mandalorians and the Republic troops were dying... I felt it. The cold, the stillness. I felt... the Silence."

She started to pace, the walls of denial rising even as she fought to reconcile what she wanted to be true from the nightmare she felt looming. "It can't be possible. I closed the gateway, forever. I felt it seal, and even Selene said it was gone for good. But when all those people died... it fed on them, Aeron. It got stronger and stronger. It gorged on their deaths."

"I... I can't do this again," she said at last, coming to a frozen stop with slumped shoulders. "Last time, it destroyed my family. I fought it with anger and the pain of loss... I told Venaar that I didn't care if it killed me as long as I ended it, too, because I had nothing left to lose. Now, though... Now, I have you, all of you."

She turned then, to look into his fixed, vacant stare.

"I can't even face the idea that it's back. Now the entire galaxy is against us, we're trying to find a place to hide, a refuge to plan our next move... and I feel so lost...."

She felt the inner storm threatening to overwhelm her, a feather in a tempest.

"Come back to us, Aeron," she said in a small voice. "We need you."

***

Aeron Rhade sat again in the room of reflection, dreaming and knowing it.

It had to be a dream, because not all the reflections were of him, or at least, not as he was.

There was Aeron as he knew himself to be, garbed in the simple tunic and trousers of muted browns he'd favored after leaving the Jedi Order. Then, there was the Aeron garbed in the traditional homespun robes of a Jedi Knight. Off to one side stood an Aeron in the similar, but somewhat more intricately patterned, robes of a Jedi Archivist. Near that Aeron stood a more traditional scholar. Across the room from the Jedi were more Aerons, wearing everything from Republic Military armor and Jedi robes to senatorial attire of rich fabrics and brilliant hues. 

Directly across from him sat the room's only other occupant. A boulder, the very stone which had become his mental shorthand for his blocked access to the greater flow of the Force.

In the mirror directly above the boulder, which oddly enough did not cast reflections, stood a figure with Aeron's features, but who was in no other way him. Instead of Aeron's long black hair, this man's hair was cut shorter, in a sharp-edged military style. His beard was a close-trimmed goatee and his clothes were a match for Aeron's own in cut, but were made of finer silks, in a midnight black that light seemed to fall into.

He wasn't Aeron, the same blue eyes and trio of scars along his right cheek notwithstanding. This man did not serve the same light that Aeron dedicated his life to.

This man was of the darkness.

They'd sat in this hallucination for days. The precise number escaped him, but he'd known he was trapped within himself by this obstacle. His friends had come at various points, appearing in the vision one by one. They'd spoken at him, as if they could not see him here, in his own mind. Thus, Aeron had deduced that he was in some sort of coma, and they were with him in body, but not necessarily spirit.

The last to come was Kara. Oddly enough, though, no vision of her penetrated his state, only her words, oddly distorted as if echoing down some impossibly long hallway.

It was that odd echo that had caused Aeron to rise and pace the confines of his mental landscape.

"It's getting to you," his dark counterpart said with a sneer. "It's only been a few days and you're breaking already? Pathetic."

Aeron paid him no heed and began to probe the crystalline walls with light fingers. He instinctively moved toward the side furthest from the dark one. The sound of Kara's voice tore at him. She was clearly in pain. He had to help her.

"Help? You?!" The dark one erupted in mocking laughter. "Aeron, you're so useless, you can't even help yourself! And yet here you go, riding to the rescue on steed-back, like a hero of old." He bent over, holding his gut as laughter racked his frame. "Little Aeron, Jedi Knight."

Aeron ignored him.

"It's just so damn funny. You really think you're the hero of this story."

There were no seams between the mirrors here, though he hadn't expected there to be.

Beyond this struggle, Kara spoke again. "Come back to us, Aeron.... We need you."

He turned at that. It had definitely come from the other side of the room.

"Ah," said the dark one. "Real talent for disruption, that girl." Then his head snapped back around to Aeron. "Where you think _you're_ going, little one?"

At last, Aeron spoke to the darkness. His voice was firm and resolute, the voice of one who knows the forthcoming struggle will be beyond him, and yet still enters the fray, for the battle must be fought. "To help my friends."

"Help?! _You?!"_ his opposite self said again. "They don't need you! They need real help, not some false shade like you."

Aeron stepped up to the boulder, which, as always, sat obstinately in his path. "Move."

The dark one faded from his mirror with a resigned sigh, and, in that instant, Aeron realized his mistake.

Hands erupted from the man-high boulder. Hands which gripped Aeron's shoulders like the cold stone they were. By reflex, Aeron lunged, hoping to break the hold, but all he did was draw the arms further out of the boulder.

No, not them. Him.

The dark one had not left. He had simply changed venue. He flowed out of the boulder like a serpent from its den.

"You," the phantom hissed, "are no Jedi. You aren't even real!"

Aeron didn't waste breath arguing with the specter. He bent everything he was to freeing himself from the cold granite grasp instead.

The struggle was epic. Neither side could give ground, and neither found advantage. Main strength against endless will. They fought for what felt like eons, but then, in one cracking instant, the stone parted.

***

In the darkness of the private hospital room aboard the Phoenix, Aeron Rhade awoke. It was night, and the lights were dim. There was no sign of Kara.

He turned and looked to his right. Meena lay there, her head pillowed on her forearms, against the side of his bed. Her shoulders rose and fell in the pattern of sleep.

He smiled. The ordeal was passed, and he'd been victorious. Now it was time to be about things.

There was much to accomplish.


End file.
